i am going to have to start giving up on having friends because it never goes well. either i ghost them forever because i'm annoyed with them for something small, or they show me time and time again that they don't really care about me. ignoring me, speaking over me, publically humiliating me, buying something for the entire friend group except for me, things like that. i've just kinda learned to never expect anything from anyone anymore lol. i have given up on speaking to friends because they either ignore me or go silent. that, or they respond to me in a way that makes me feel like a mentally disabled preteen being babied by a caregiver or teacher. i dunno i just wish my friends would think of me for a change.

also, my birthday is coming up soon, and i'm making myself expect to get absolutely nothing other than a cake, because i probably will. my friends have never once gotten me something for my birthday. honestly i dont think most of them remember my birthday. i think the last time i got a birthday gift was in 8th grade, by someone i don't talk to anymore lol, and it was just a notebook... which i really don't like using because of the texture, but i don't blame them for it lol, just me complaining years later. i specify birthday gift because we did secret santa which is After my birthday and someone got me my favorite eraser in the whole world. i miss u everyday magnetic miffy eraser. and now with all this shit going on and my mom deciding to have another baby, we have like no fucking money too so that's great. a boy who only likes objects and experiences that cost money is put in a world thats in end state capitalism and everyone is poor and everything is $100, he dies